domingo, 26 de abril de 2015

Anónimo: No soy digno de aprender con usted. Usted tiene ganas de que entienda, pero la realidad es que yo no quiero entender.
Anónimo: Mis padres quieren crearme de manera culta. Pero usamos diferentes diccionarios. Ellos el impreso, y yo el de mis convicciones. 
Anónimo: "Crear" es una palabra que abarca demasiadas cosas, diría yo. Y cuando ese término se refiere a nosotros mismos, se refiere a nosotros mismos. ¿Ve? No hay nada que explicar, ni nada que entender. 
Anónimo: Uno se crea, no nos crean. Nuestro alrededor influye, no cabe duda, pero nosotros tenemos la última palabra (y todas, de hecho). Sería absurdo que no fuera de esa manera.
Anónimo: Podríamos decir que nos crean en el momento que no somos nada, solo un futuro imprevisto, hasta que nacemos. Nos crean para luego crearnos realmente. 
Anónimo: Lo siento, profesor, me dejé llevar. Es signo de que me dio la confianza suficiente como para expresar algo que jamás había dicho. Y la confianza necesaria para decirle que no vendré más a sus clases, ni a ninguna otra. Son buenas para alumnos que creen que son buenas, y con eso suman un poco de cultura y "sabiduría" para sobresalir, quizás.
Anónimo: Dígale a mis padres que de verdad lo siento, aprecio su esfuerzo, no malentiendan,
pero no necesito necesitar más información de la que en realidad deseo. No quiero despedirme de ellos, ni de nadie. Pero esta tarde partiré para donde siento debo estar, llegaré en unos no sé cuántos días, semanas, o meses, profesor.
Anónimo: Me siento con el equipamiento suficiente, una valija bien repleta, y en mi mente está todo bien ordenado. Eso sí que costó, no sabía qué dejar y qué llevarme. Pero ya está, ya está. Lo tengo todo. O al menos eso creo.
Profesor: De verdad me has dejado atónito, tengo suerte de no ser tu padre, tendría el corazón en la boca. De todas formas, lo tengo en la garganta ahora mismo. Solo puedo decir, suerte. 
 (De verdad no podía asimilar lo que había sucedido, siempre tuvo alumnos que solo iban a estudiar, alumnos "manejables". Las palabras no le eran fáciles. Además, no era profesor de literatura.)
Anónimo: Vamos, eso no existe. Hasta pronto.

sábado, 25 de abril de 2015

Improve

three men dressed in black, with deadly pale face, consumed by bad life
came in early morning to me, looked like one o'clock when i saw the moon standing
they said as they walked away from me "you look without a gram of happiness, would you like to come with us?"
and i said them "no, thanks i'd like to keep on trying to save me"

i fell asleep for a while on the grass
and i dreamt with those three man saying "once you come in, you can't come out, you have half a foot in"
i woke up screaming in silence "you let the devil win, but i won't do the same"
because i know i can be stronger than anything that wants to take me somewhere i don't

it's just a hard road to cross walking
it will take me more time than i wanted, but i'll get over this way
somedays i have the sun that shines the path
other ways the sun is black
but i'll get over this way, the wind takes the hot off
and i have the people i need in my mind
they'll help me to make disappear those three men on my ears and my eyes
my own breathing is my anxiolytic
i use the pills i drank before to mark the way, for if i get lost (again)

Smother (Daughter)

i'm wasted losing time
i'm a foolish, fragile spine
i want all that is not mine
i want him but we're not right

in the darkness i will meet my creators
and they will all agree, that i'm a suffocator

i should go now quietly
for my bones have found a place to lie down and sleep
where all my layers can become reeds
all my limbs can become trees
all my children can become me
what a mess i leave
to follow

in the darkness i will meet my creators
and they will all agree, that i'm a suffocator

i'm sorry if i smothered you
i'm sorry if i smothered you
i sometimes wish i'd stayed inside my mother
never to come out

Please, wait

i remember when i was ok
when i could smile, for almost everything
now i'm just sadness and so much pain
my eyes can't hide that anymore

what hurts the most it's to see i hurt people that i love the most
but i can't control it, all i am's pain, so what would i give?
nobody believes that i have tried hard to change this, and i keep on trying
but it's so difficult, i can't

wish that they could understand
the feeling i have everyday, since i wake up till i go to bed
it's hard to fake, 'cause my eyes don't know how to lie
maybe that's why i don't want to go out my home

writing this helps, because i still have hope
and i'd like not staying alone in this way to improvement of myself
they all say it's my fault and i end up believing it
but actually it's something i didn't choose to be
and they say that i have to control it, and i can't, it's hard
"please, wait" that's what i always say
but i know time flies, so i understand why they leave, and cannot wait

i shouldn't be explaining this
people that loves me, knows it
i just don't need to be judged for something i don't want

i'm not the victim neither
when i cry it's not because i want you to feel sorry about me
i just have too much inside i can't keep
'cause i don't have enough space
and it's alright if you don't hug me
it's alright if you don't even want to ask what happens
i know i'll be fine, 'cause nothing bad can lasts forever
so this would be just a bad chapter that i'll close

jueves, 23 de abril de 2015

I've been missing myself

my mother, i wish i had her strength
the joy of my sister, and the liberty of her daughter
my dear father, i wish i could be as good as him to disappear
it would be useful, because i'm shut-in on a dark prison, in the cave of my mind

how to overcome an obstacle? when the obstacle it's you
how to take off something you have inside without hurting you more?
my mind is about to run away but it's leaving all the shadows with me
the green of my eyes were consumed by the pupils, and the pupils by those shadows, now absolutely everything, it's too dark
life's cold and i like the winter, but not as much as to feel it in my heart
my blood seems frozen and my lungs breathe ice

i wish my father could be here
giving me the love he has, but he doesn't dare to give
i'd like him to teach me many things he know, but he believes he's wrong
and my dear mother wanting to help me, breaks my soul
'cause even when i need her i can't tell her where i'll go
i just push her away, like i do with everyone around me

it's finally my fault
i always end up alone in some far away place from home
it looks like a bad dream, but i'm awake, feeling everything
i want to talk, but it's an empty place, just nature and me
anyway, that's what i used to ask for, but not at this price
and sometimes when i sing i can come back, other times; all i can do is wait
and it's a long long time, even when i don't have watch, the trees tell me it's late
but i don't know if to believe them or not, 'cause it's always dark
so the sun can't guide me, there's no moon, not even a sky
i don't know what's up there, maybe persons laughing
maybe persons crying, i don't know, sound's confusing


miércoles, 22 de abril de 2015

Glass of coke

slowly, feelings i used to have just want to run away
i'm not the kind of home they need, it seems
i'm better empty, than filled with things that hurt
i fought for changing, but then i knew it wasn't all about me, this time

my feelings and i, we will run away in different directions
i told them not to come back, 'cause i didn't want to feel again
"you're not made for this kind of pain" they agreed and sank into a puddle of coke, he overturned on a table, that i'll never see again

then i found myself alone with memories
wish they'd go away too, but they're stuck in my bones and my blood
i don't want to miss, him on the bed, me in front of him
looking how he looks me
the glass of coke, he overturned and let stains on my shoes

it's suppose i can't feel now
but i remember the sound of his laugh
more beautiful than the song my daddy sang to me when i had 4
a sound that will remain forever. surrounding my ears
and that i don't want to miss

i wonder if my feelings end up in his home
waiting for him to open the door (a door he didn't open before)
to tell him how i am now, to tell him how i love him
to understand the way i've been feeling

'cause honey, your smell still living in my nose
and the glass of coke you overturned
i won't forget the glass of coke you overturned

martes, 21 de abril de 2015

Disorder

i know that tunnel will be dark
but it seems i don't care 'cause i come in anyway
i don't have a car, i just have my feet
and i don't see anything
but there's a voice guiding me, to a place i shouldn't be
it's written on the society book that is wrong
but i never believed it, so i can go

and it's a voice promising me that everything will be better than now
should i stay should i go? i asked to my mind
but she's so lost she doesn't know what to say
so she leaves my body and tells "i'll go to get lost on the woods for a time, but really don't want to come back"

my eyes can't see the colors so clearly
i do not distinguish black of white, red of blue, because of scars of my past
i do not feel pain, i live with needles coming out of me everyday
so when i'm bleeding i don't know
and i think it's the river coming with me in this trip with no destiny

lunes, 20 de abril de 2015

Shadow

every year i accumulate 365 shadows of myself
that i carry with me, since i wake till i go away
and on leap years, there's one more i have to take
wish i could let them go, but they want to stay
they're so hard to take off
they're all in my mind
they're like scars but on the inside
that i just can feel but nobody else can see

darker than a night on the woods
where you get lost everytime you're off
hard to come back, it's like an endless drive to an unknown place
where your mind force you to stay
but you keep on looking to escape 'cause in that moments you think there's a god up there
waiting for your prayers but then you remember you don't know how to pray
because the sensible part of you tells there's no god there, just sky and starts that don't illuminate
like this shadows i carry since the day i was born
giving me dark when i don't anymore


She says

she doesn't like goodbyes
but she's leaving
after all, all that's left, is to go, she says slowly, with some tears on her eyes
that have no make up on
'cause she says she's too sensitive to wear it

how can you sleep at night? she asked him
'cause she says she thinks more than she should, but she can't stop
it's a painful girl
but she can be cheerful, sometimes
what she says is that she has given everything she had
so now it's kind of empty and kind of sad

this girl, with green eyes, and pale face
she's waiting to grow up
she thinks that's her salvation
'cause she thinks having 18 it's to have wings
she doesn't know world is hard, harder when you're alone
but she doesn't care anyway
she'll risk it all to get some happiness she lost some time ago

she'll don't mind to have some company
if it's the right one, she says again
'cause it's kind of tired of hearing love's wrong
of hearing love hurts
if one's wrong it's not because "love's like this"
'cause she says love is what you make of it

domingo, 19 de abril de 2015

Dear Sun

i do not believe in rainbows
there're just grey clouds on my landscape
sun uses to hide everyday
i don't know of what he is afraid
but nobody looks for it

while the moon shines some hours later
sun doesn't know he's brighter
and he still hiding from everything
cause he doesn't believe he's able to give something
he thinks he's human, he thinks he has soul
and a dark, dark soul
so he doesn't give light, sun starts to rain
and water falls from the eyes he doesn't have

sun shines because of his nature
but what if he gives up? 'cause it's getting tired
what if we stay in the dark?
will we miss that sun that rains but can finally shines?
will we appreciate it then? having to get wet sometimes, but after all, illuminated and warm